This common phrase is used in a variety of ways all the time. Stop for a second and think about how it diminishes your experience, sells short the loss you feel.
After we have poured our hearts out- we finish our thought with “It could be worse…”

Not only are we capping off the grief we feel it sends a mixed invalidating message to ourselves, “what I am experiencing must not be that bad, the pain and hurt I am feeling is somehow not equitable to my experiencing must not be that bad, the pain and hurt I am feeling is somehow not equitable to my experience therefore, I should just stop… because somewhere, someone has it worse.”

Having a positive outlook, having a grateful heart, recognizing others loss and having empathy for their circumstances are all healthy (highly valued) cultural norms- but don’t for one second let that diminish your hurt or pain.
Feel it allow space and time to honor your loss. Let it pass, then fill in the holes with all the positive, thoughtful expressions you want. But don’t use them as a way to invalidate your experience.

I know this famous quote from Dr. Seuss is referring to how we care of this beautiful world we live in. But lately, it’s been on repeat in my mind regarding how I car for myself. I sure wish there was a way to hold someone, anyone else accountable for my unhealthy habits or even just the absence of healthy ones. But truthfully no one can make as big of a difference for my health as I can.

As a mom, it takes constant effort to remember to make (and take) the times you need to care for your needs. The reasons we don’t are many…and all are very valid. But “Unless someone like YOU cares a whole awful lot, nothing about your physical, mental or spiritual health is going to get better. It not.

I say this to myself every time I get up to exercise in the morning or (more often) when I rearrange my afternoon to fit exercise in during babies nap times.

I say this to myself when I need a little pick-me-up in the afternoon and pass up a pop tart or some other for of quick simple carbs and sugar. Whether I do this out of convenience or habit…it only takes a little care to find a better fit for the fuel I need.

There are a few of the areas I know I need to care a whole awful lot for myself. What’s on your list???

I am aware it’s easy to believe there is no reason to care. If that is how you find yourself feeling, start there, with care. The behaviors on your care list are not meant to be knots in a belt you later use to beat yourself with when you fall short… that isn’t caring. Some days might feel like two steps forward and three steps back. That OK! Nothing is going to get better unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot. It’s not. One choice, one misstep at a time.

Good News! Anger responses are learned behaviors, not instinctive. This means, it’s easier to change our OUTWARD anger behavior than change the INTERNAL experiences of anger.
This extremely important step helps repair damaged relationships and stops the repetitive cycle of acting out followed by remorse, shame, and guilt. When we act differently, we can begin to feel different.
When anger has gotten the best of you, think about restorative communication.

• Use “I statements”

• Be an active listener

• Make eye contact

The vulnerability restorative communication requires isn’t an easy to check off your list. Vulnerability takes emotional awareness. It takes differentiation, self-correction and self-compassion.
Keeping in mind responses to anger is learned, patterns of behavior can change.

I know a question we all ask over and over again. “Is this anxiety?” Or “Is this because I am too busy?” ” I am a mom- isn’t feeling overwhelmed part of it?”
At a conference with Margaret Wehrenberg, Psy.D she shared a concept about controlling too much activity something she called (TMA).
When we get caught up being “too busy” and over scheduled we limit our ability to learn to calm and exercise relaxation skills.

Think about all the things you cram into your schedule (and your kids schedules).

• Identify when/how are you teaching and practicing calming and relaxation skills.
• Pause before you automatically say yes to things.
• Reflect about how procrastination plays into TMA.